


To Begin Again

by hauntedlullabies



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alex being a huge dork, Alex being super gay, Alex loves Scott awe, Alex tries to keep it together, Brotherly Love, Charles and Erik being happy, Charles giving advice, Gay and Mutant, Hank being bad at accepting himself, Homosexuality, Human Hank, I'm mad at the writers, I'm still mad about Apocalypse, Implied Sexual Content, Love, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Prequel Series, Romance, Sexuality, Taking Risks, There is so much adulting, Trauma, Violence, War Trauma, X-men - Freeform, charles is such a mom, dealing with the past, depictions of war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-02-22 06:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13161387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedlullabies/pseuds/hauntedlullabies
Summary: After having separated from the X-Men in an attempt to live a normal life, Alex Summers never thought he’d see his old flame Hank McCoy again. When his brother has a crisis that only a certain mutant can solve, they meet again for the first time in 20 years.At 37, Alex already has a life away from the one Hank had stayed close to. Is getting back together worth the risk of putting his whole life on hold, or is it too late to try and let go of the past at all?





	1. Aftermath

If someone were to ask Alex how many years it had been since he last saw Hank McCoy, he’d be able to tell them it was 20 without hesitation. That number had a permanent home in the back of his mind, never in present thought yet nestled in with other information, ready to be retrieved from memory. All the time that had passed was more like a blur, but with certain moments where he’d remember specific details or events or feelings clearly. He would allow the thoughts to cloud his mind-- because they always left as soon as they came-- and he was fine. That was before he was thrown into the deep end without warning. 

He could barely register the reality in front of his own eyes. He was realizing that this wasn’t just a thought or a memory, but the _real thing _and he didn’t know why he suddenly wasn’t able to move. The tall man, coming down the stairs of a mansion that Alex once called home, hadn’t noticed him just yet, granting him a few seconds to compose himself and attempt to free his mind of the past 20 years as it all came rushing back to him in a single moment. As soon as they made eye contact, Alex’s mind blanked.__

__His mother had called him early that afternoon. She sounded like she had been crying, but was able to compose herself enough to speak with him. It was Scott; he’d had another incident at school. Hearing his mother’s voice shake slightly as she recounted the events of Scott destroying the boys’ bathroom and being expelled from yet another school district was enough to make his heart drop. His little brother was too reminiscent of him._ _

__He rested his forehead in his hand as he sat on the edge of his bed, receiver held up to his ear. “I’ll be right over, mom,” he said, hesitating before hanging up. He wanted to ask how Scott was and talk to him himself, but he rationalized his thoughts, figuring he’d be able to do just that once he had arrived at his parents’ house. He sat still for a minute. Only one solution to Scott’s dilemma popped up in his mind, and it was the only one that was sure to work._ _

__“I’m going to my parents’ house. I’ll be back later,” he said, grabbing his coat. Will looked up from the novel in his lap, set down his tea on the coffee table on the side of the couch._ _

__“How long are you gonna be gone?” Alex reached for his car keys._ _

__“Not sure. I’ll be home later.”_ _

__“Well, when is ‘later?’”_ _

__“Will, I have to go,” Alex pressed, hoping he would get the hint that it was an urgent matter. Will crossed his arms in a huff._ _

__“Fine. Don’t expect dinner to be waiting for you when you get back ‘later.’” He focused back on his book and didn’t look up again. Alex suppressed his eye roll until he got outside. He would have to deal with the silent treatment when he returned-- he was sure of that._ _

__Pulling into his parents’ driveway was this surreal moment that almost made him blink twice. He hadn’t been there in a while. There had been miscellaneous get-togethers here and there, but Alex spent most of his holidays at his own apartment with whoever was sharing it with him at the time. He still talked to his mother and father of course, just not as much considering that he lived an hour or so away and had his own life to keep up with. Scott was their primary focus, and really Alex didn’t blame them. There weren’t any parenting books on raising a mutant kid-- let alone two._ _

__Chris and Katherine looked like they were both hit by a bus when they opened the door. His father nodded at him, quiet, and his mother was wiping tears from her eyes. How bad was it? They didn’t say much, just that Scott was up in his room. Alex’s pulse quickened as he trudged up the steps, worst case scenarios about his baby brother popping up in his mind. The door was cracked slightly; Alex nudged it open as he knocked._ _

__He stepped inside. Scott was sitting on his bed, knees hugged to his chest. The TV was on but he wasn’t watching it. There was a thick white cloth tied around his head, covering his eyes. Alex noticed it looked a bit damp, assuming Scott had been crying too. He didn’t say anything as Alex approached him, probably thinking it was his mother or father. Alex sat on the other side of the bed slowly, so he wouldn’t startle him._ _

__“Scott?” he asked. Scott perked up at the unexpected voice. He rubbed his nose._ _

__“Alex? Is that you?” His voice was small, scared to sound out. Alex shifted closer to him._ _

__“Yeah, it’s me, Scott. What happened?” His hand reached out to him, but Alex was unsure if he wanted physical contact in such a vulnerable state. Scott’s mutation was very similar to Alex’s, and if he knew anything, it was that he hadn’t thought too fondly of human interaction after having outbursts of his own. He figured Scott felt the same and lowered his arm back down to his side. Scott was silent for a minute or so, presumably trying to compose himself enough to properly speak. He sniffled._ _

__“I...I-I can’t open my eyes, Alex.” A sob forced its way out of him, causing him to hunch over into his knees._ _

__“ _I can’t open my eyes _.”___ _

____Scott was weeping, the sound muffled by his jeans. His hands were shaking as he had them resting lightly at his sides. He wanted to remove the blindfold, just be able to rub the water from his eyes but refused to let himself do so. Alex was shocked at the sight before him, at the extreme level of distress hanging over his brother. He’d had it bad, but not this bad._ _ _ _

____“Scott, listen to me,” he began, standing up off the bed. Scott didn’t lift his head._ _ _ _

____“I’m gonna take you to someone who can help you.” At that, Scott sucked in a breath and wiped his cheeks._ _ _ _

____“Mom and dad tried that,” he said. “I’ve already seen a hundred fucking therapists.” Alex’s heart broke at his words, but he would persist._ _ _ _

____“No, Scott. I’m taking you to the person who helped me. He’s the only person who can do this.”_ _ _ _

____Scott let out an overwhelming breath, slumping his body against the wall behind him. His body language was an indication of many failed attempts to “cure” or “fix” him. Even though Scott knew the gist of Alex’s past, he was still appropriately skeptical. But Alex just placed an affectionate hand on his shoulder, reassuring him that he knew what he was doing. He pulled his brother into a hug as he stood up after him._ _ _ _

____“You’re gonna be alright. You _will _be able to control it,” he said, feeling his little brother’s arms tighten. He was just a kid; he didn’t deserve to suffer like this.___ _ _ _

______When the two of them had arrived at the X Mansion, it was another surreal moment, and Alex barely kept his feet on the ground._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hank.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Alex.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The two men shared a handshake as Alex’s sanity was threatening to fall over the edge. He was smiling, and it was genuine, but the fact that Hank McCoy was standing in front of him in the flesh seemed too good to be true. It was like he hadn’t aged a day since they were teenagers. He was older but barely looked any different than the Hank in Alex’s memory. He suddenly felt self-conscious and very much aware of the fact that he had been putting off getting a haircut._ _ _ _ _ _

______“How are you? It’s been such a long time,” Hank said, adjusting the books in his arm. Alex’s heartbeat was prominent and noticeable and acting like it was begging for his attention._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It has. I’m… I’m good. Yeah, I’ve been good. Just, life, you know?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He couldn’t believe how stupid he sounded._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What are you doing here, after all this time?” Hank asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______Alex didn’t know the answer. Hank looked at Scott._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Who’s this?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______It clicked._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, right.” Alex cleared his throat.” This is my little brother, Scott. I’m taking him to see the professor.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hank nodded to him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Scott.” Scott smiled weakly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“So Hank,” Alex began. “Is the professor around right now?” He’d realized he essentially just showed up unannounced. He had no idea if he and his brother would even be able to see him at all. But thankfully, Hank relieved him of his doubts. He pushed up his glasses._ _ _ _ _ _

______“He’s teaching a class right now, but it should be wrapping up. I can take you to him now if you’d like.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“That would be great, Hank, thank you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He led Alex and Scott down the halls of the mansion, guiding them through the flood of students walking in all directions. Scott held onto Alex’s arm as they walked, and Alex wished that Scott could be seeing everything in front of him. The interior was about the same as Alex had remembered it, save for the rooms being used as classrooms and the considerable amount of kids. It wasn’t too long ago that it was him and a few others that lived there, under Charles’s guidance. Now, it was overflowing; the number of possible mutations under this one roof was immeasurable._ _ _ _ _ _

______Even with the fine wood flooring, the grand glass windows, and the aesthetically pleasing decorations, all Alex could see was Hank. Well, the back of him, but nonetheless he had almost walked Scott right into a potted plant. There were so many questions stirring in his mind and so many anecdotes he wanted to share with him. He felt the urge to explain every detail of the last 20 years of his life, but he kept quiet. There was a time and place for everything, and right now wasn’t the ideal moment to overwhelm him with ‘I miss yous’ and ‘I’m sorrys.’_ _ _ _ _ _

______However, one glance at his brother at his side was enough to sober him. They reached a narrow part of the building, tucked away in a random hall that was too obscure for Alex to truly remember. There was a group of young kids sitting in a circle, listening attentively to the man in the middle. Alex felt the smile on his lips spread wider._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Read the chapter for your homework tonight, and don’t forget there will be a quiz on Monday.” Charles Xavier paused when he saw the three of them._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Class dismissed.” The room cleared out and Charles smiled directly at Alex._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Alex Summers?” he asked, grinning brightly as he pulled him down to give him a hug._ _ _ _ _ _

______With an affectionate pat on the back, he said, “It’s wonderful to see you, Alex.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He was relieved and reassured by Charles’s genuine pleasure at seeing him. He felt like an intruder, but he should have known that his old friend would only respond to him with open arms._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You too, Charles. I’m glad to see you’re doing well,” he responded warmly. He meant it, too. Charles was much older than the last time he had seen him, but every line on his face was like a decoration. He aged well, and he even still had a good head of hair on him. He looked at the unfamiliar face that was accompanying Alex and Hank._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hello there, friend,” he said, sticking out an arm despite the blindfold blocking Scott’s vision. “I’m Professor Xavier, but there’s really no use for formalities, so Charles will do just fine.” Scott perked up at being addressed directly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, I’m Scott. Nice to meet you.” Alex helped his brother reach Charles’s outstretched hand, and gave it a firm shake as soon as he got a hold of it. The look on the professor’s face was indicative of him already taking a liking to Scott. Alex spoke up then._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I brought Scott here to see you, Charles. He’s been struggling with his mutation, and I figured you were the only one who could help him,” he said, hope and plea present in his tone of voice though he wished they weren’t. Even so, Charles took a good look at Scott, then nodded at Alex._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’d be my pleasure to help your brother, Alex.” Scott’s eyebrows raised at that._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey, how did you know that I’m…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______With a chuckle, Charles pulled Scott to the side to talk with him on a further personal level. Alex would have to pay Charles back somehow for this, as he felt like he was only burdening him. From the looks of it, Charles already had a line of students in need of his help in getting ahold of their mutations. The guilt formulating in the pit of his stomach was churning, but he repressed it for now._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hank turned to Alex as they were left to themselves for a minute or so._ _ _ _ _ _

______“If you’re not busy on Friday, I would love to get coffee and catch up,” he offered, nonchalant and friendly. It was unexpected and a bit out of the blue, but Hank was never known to be spontaneous-- he was always a man with a plan. The little pang in his chest came back._ _ _ _ _ _

______“That sounds great,” Alex said, agreeing on the spot. They shared a smile, and Alex was hoping for the best on Friday. He hadn’t been this mash-up of nerves and excitement since he was 16._ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Happiness in Small Doses

“Was that really his favorite tree?”

Alex looked across the pond to the maple tree that Scott had split in half with his optic blasts. Charles had requested he remove the blindfold so he could observe the full power of his mutation. The charred wood was still burning in some places. Alex shrugged.

“I’m sure it was just like any other tree in the lot.”

Alex had specifically remembered Charles telling them the story of how that had been the very first tree that his grandfather had planted upon arriving in the United States. It was his favorite spot as a boy, where he could sit and be by himself until the maid had called him back inside for dinner. Alex failed to mention this to Scott. 

“Don’t feel so bad about it, Scott. You’ve destroyed more valuable things in the past.” He felt a swift punch to his arm and saw the smile on his brother’s face. It made him smile too. After a moment, it dropped. Scott itched at the back of his head, where the cloth was tied securely in a knot. 

“Charles was just… nice to me. When I destroyed his tree. Everybody always gets so pissed and I feel horrible.” Scott picked at the sleeve of his jacket. This was exactly why Alex had brought him here, to the X Mansion, to Charles. He had complete faith in his former mentor in his ability to help Scott control his mutation, instead of allowing his mutation control over him. Alex would always have a fond place in his heart for those days back in ‘62. He would have been exactly like his brother and stayed that way if it weren’t for the professor’s guidance.

“Yeah, but Charles knows you can’t help it. He gets it.” Alex wrapped an arm around Scott’s shoulders, leaning him into his embrace. His brother rested his head in the crook of his neck, his hair gently touching the side of Alex’s face. The wooden park bench was not a comfortable spot, but it was bearable enough for a moment or two of moral support. 

“Do you ever fully come to terms with your mutation?” Scott asked, seemingly out of nowhere. 

“What do you mean?”

“Like, is there a point where you actually get comfortable with it or even start to like it?” He sat up straight. “Or do you just deal with it enough that you get desensitized to it?”

Alex wasn’t quite sure how to answer such a loaded question. He’d hoped that his brother would direct any and all inquiries as such to Charles, who knew practically everything there was to know about mutation. He did have his degrees in genetics, after all. 

“I don’t… I don’t know. From my own experience, you kinda just learn to live with it. It’s a part of you just like any other body part-- or, something like that. And honestly,” he looked down at his hands.

“I don’t think we’ll ever like our powers. Society hates us too much. You could be as arrogant and strong-willed as Erik, but at the end of the day, the shame is still there. Because we’re mutants and it’ll be a long time before the prejudice ends.”

“Erik?” 

“Talk to Charles enough and he’ll tell you about him. He’s a mutant like us, and very passionate about being ‘mutant and proud.’” 

Scott nodded in understanding. He was always good like that, being patient, being considerate. Scott was a sweet kid, and it broke Alex’s heart that he couldn’t catch a break with his mutation. As he had mentioned Erik, Alex wondered where he was these days. He hadn’t noticed him inside the mansion, but granted, there were many students in there already, and many rooms and corridors. It was possible he had just missed him or he was in another room. The back of Hank’s head was very distracting in the moment, so he had considered that as well. Even with the warmth that had wrapped itself around Alex’s shoulders upon seeing old friends, it was cast aside by the guilty pit in his chest. He wanted to know how everyone was doing and where they were in their lives but knew he had no right to do so. 

“Come on, let’s head back. Mom’s probably worried sick.” 

He had led him back to the car with some guidance and a “watch your head” and a laugh when Scott knocked his head on the door. Scott threatened him to laugh again or his front window would be melted through. Alex was grateful for moments like these.

They had been on the road for about a half hour when Scott spoke up, “So, that was Hank?” Alex almost swerved the car into oncoming traffic.

“What?” 

“Hank. The one who took us to Charles. That was him?” Alex was having trouble piecing together Scott’s reasoning for bringing it up. 

“Uh, yeah, that was him. Why?” Scott shrugged and smiled, even though his brother couldn’t see.

“Doesn’t seem like your type. I’m surprised you’re still hung up on-”

“Whoa whoa whoa, what?! That was _years _ago, Scott. I am not ‘hung up’ on him.”__

__“Dude, come on. I even had a _blindfold _on.”___ _

____Alex sighed, gripped the steering wheel tight, then loosened his grip. Scott knew him better than anyone else, and he might’ve been stumbling over his words a bit back there. What caught him off guard the most was that Scott remembered that story at all. He had told him that he dated a guy named Hank before being drafted, but there wasn’t much more to it. At the time, he had tried to play it off like it wasn’t that big of a deal, but his actions today might have proven otherwise._ _ _ _

____“Was it really that bad?” he asked._ _ _ _

____“Could’ve been worse,” Scott said, sugarcoating his answer. Alex groaned. But that was the end of that for now, as the conversation drifted to lighter topics before he pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house. Their goodbye was bittersweet, as Alex was reluctant to give him back to his parents, but he knew he would be back tomorrow to move him into the Mansion. Alex had offered to let Scott live with him way back when, but his parents had no intention of letting him out of their sight. Maybe Alex should’ve been happy that they wanted to be more present in Scott’s life than they were in his, but there was a taste of spite that followed the thought. They hadn’t wanted anything to do with their first child, but he guessed that they had no other option than to be active parents when mutant number two rolled around. He just hoped that Scott feels more appreciated and loved than he ever did._ _ _ _

____He helped Scott out of the car and walked him to the front door. The sky was being stripped of daylight at an increasing rate as the first days of Autumn brushed the atmosphere. It was late afternoon, and Alex hadn’t realized how long he and Scott had actually been gone. It felt like no time at all, and it felt like a chore to drop him off at home. Scott attacked him in a firm hug, and Alex was quick to hug him back._ _ _ _

____“Thank you for doing this,” he said._ _ _ _

____“Anything for my baby brother.” Scott didn’t even hit him for that._ _ _ _

____Upon arriving back at his own apartment, the fight he’d had with Will earlier came back to him like a smack to the head. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with any of his petty arguing or unnecessary nagging right now. He rubbed his temples in the agony of the potential headache he’s going to earn as soon as he walks through the door. There was the option of turning around and staying out, but he figured the confrontation with Will would only be postponed. He mustered up all his strength to trudge up the stairs and unlock his door._ _ _ _

____The apartment was warm and smelled like vanilla. Will must’ve taken a bath, Alex assumed. There were candles burning, an open bottle of champagne on the table, and a rerun of Family Ties on the TV. Will definitely took a bath. A small smile crept its way onto Alex’s lips, as he thought of his boyfriend’s “spa days.” He pampered himself when he was stressed or upset about something. It was cute._ _ _ _

____Singing could be heard from around the corner, so Alex slowly crept toward the source. The bathroom door was slightly cracked, allowing Alex to peer in. Will was standing there in front of the mirror. He had an odd-colored goop all over his face, which Alex assumed to be for a cosmetic purpose, and was singing to himself as he applied lotion to his arms and hands. He was even incorporating little dance moves to the rhythm he was creating. Alex couldn’t suppress the laugh from coming out, even though he tried to, he really did._ _ _ _

____Will’s head whipped around to see Alex standing there. He gasped, then slammed the bathroom door shut in a fit of rage from his spa day being interrupted. Alex sighed. He didn’t know why he even put up with Will sometimes, but nonetheless, he did. He kicked off his shoes and laid his jacket on the back of the couch before going up to the bathroom door again, this time knocking gently. It was quiet when he approached him the second time._ _ _ _

____“Will? Are you still mad at me?” No response._ _ _ _

____“Look, I’m sorry about earlier. I was just in a hurry. If you come out I’ll tell you all about it,” he offered, raising the pitch of his voice ever so slightly at the end of his words to pique Will’s interest. The only sound from the other side of the door was rushing water. Alex leaned in closer to the door where he was centimeters away from resting his forehead against the wood. He spoke again but in a lower tone._ _ _ _

____“Will, it was about Scott. He had an emergency.” The water shut off and there was silence for a few more moments. He eventually heard the door being unlocked, so he stood up straight. Will, with a clean face, stepped out of the bathroom and looked up at him._ _ _ _

____“Is Scott okay?” he asked. It was sincere even though he was not letting Alex completely off the hook. Alex nodded._ _ _ _

____“He is now. I’m going back tomorrow to help him move into another school.”_ _ _ _

____“Maybe he should be homeschooled, honestly.”_ _ _ _

____“That’s always an option, but I’m moving him into the school that I went to.” This seemed to piece the information together in Will’s mind. He leaned against the door frame._ _ _ _

____“Why didn’t you put him in that school before? Like, why go through all those expulsions when you could’ve avoided that altogether.”_ _ _ _

____“Well, Mom and Dad didn’t want to at first. But I finally got them to come around to it. Scott had become too out of control for human parents.” He figured Will must’ve sensed the toll that this information had taken on Alex, as he wrapped his arms around the blond’s neck, holding him closely. He smelled like vanilla and lavender._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry,” he said. “Scott doesn’t deserve any of that.” Alex nuzzled Will’s chestnut-brown hair, kissing him on the side of his head. His natural locks were a mess of waves and loose curls, and Alex liked it better this way. His primary stress melted away as the two stood in their embrace. That was exactly what Alex needed to hear._ _ _ _

____“So,” Will began, breaking himself away from Alex but resting his hands on his shoulders, Alex’s on his waist, “Did you eat?” Alex shook his head. He should’ve. He was starving._ _ _ _

____“No. Did you?”_ _ _ _

____“No.” They were both pretty occupied for a majority of the day._ _ _ _

____“How about we get Chinese and I can tell you all about my day today?” Alex suggested. As soon as he said that, an image of Hank crossed his mind. He focused back on Will. He was thinking._ _ _ _

____“Hmm… well, I guess that sounds good. I’ll get something with lots of veggies and low-carb. Eating something entirely unhealthy would just be counterproductive,” he said, giving Alex a smile. Alex smiled back, then leaned down to quickly kiss him. He was on good terms with Will again and was relieved at that. He just couldn’t shake the thought of Hank, even when he was being affectionate with his own partner. His chest was heavy._ _ _ _


	3. Bruised but not Broken

He thought he was back there. The nightmares were always vivid, clear as day in his head, but he could’ve sworn he felt the gravel beneath his boots. The cold metal of the assault rifle chilling the skin of his hands as he saw the bodies of his comrades fall limp and lifeless around him. What made it the most difficult to differentiate was the rapid heartbeat pumping loudly in the root of his ears. It was the same out on the battlefield that day and the same in his bed in the middle of the night. 

Alex was sitting on the couch in front of the TV, blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders as all of the lights were on. He wasn’t really watching the episode of Sesame Street, but it was distracting enough from the current cold sweat that he was having. He needed something mind-numbing and preschool-level educational. He didn’t have to think too hard, just watch. He took comfort in the fact that he had managed to stop crying after a few minutes, and that he hadn’t woken Will up this time.

He had lost count of how many days it’d been since he’d had a proper night’s rest. He managed a few hours at the most, but once he was awake he was up for the day. This is how his mornings usually went, although the duration of the nightmares varied. It was currently 3 in the morning, or, that’s what the clock read when Alex woke up. He had no inclination of time as he just sat and watched children’s programming with a blank mind. 

He felt a presence behind him without so much as a sound. He instinctively ducked between his knees, using his hands as cover as his fingers laced atop his head. The racing pulse had returned, and the image of an enemy soldier preparing to take him out exploded behind his squeezed eyelids. He felt a hand on his shoulder, initially flinched, then settled at its familiarity. He lowered his hands and turned to look up at a concerned Will. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Will said, holding his hand back like he had just touched something hot. “How long ago did you wake up?” 

Alex didn’t know. Will realized this.

“It’s 5:00,” he helped. Alex let out a breath.

“About 2 hours ago, I think. Did I wake you?” 

“No no, you’re good. You okay?” Alex scrubbed his face with his hands.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Will didn’t seem convinced, but he let it go. He leaned over the back of the couch to kiss Alex on top of the head. 

“I’m going to the gym, I’ll be back in an hour,” he said, voice gentle and soft.

Alex sent him off with an “okay” and sunk back down into the couch cushion. He tried not to think about his nightmare, but it refused to let up. The TV helped, but not by much. He was still uncomfortably slick with his own sweat, and couldn’t stand the feeling anymore. With all of his strength, he hauled himself off the couch and to the bathroom. The shower was hot and soothing and allowed him time to clear his head. The warm feeling from the water stayed with him as he pulled on a soft hoodie and a pair of baggy sweatpants. He’d make himself presentable later when he actually had to leave the apartment.

It was barely 5:45 and Alex was essentially starving. He hadn’t eaten since the night before, and being up since 3 granted him an empty stomach. He figured he’d wait for Will to get back, even if it was going to be the longest fifteen minutes of his life. He sat on the couch again, flipping through the channels, thinking about his plans for the day. He didn’t feel like being an adult and being responsible. He didn’t even feel like being a person at all.

But the thought of taking Scott to the X Mansion to officially move him in was enough to turn the corners of his mouth. He only wished that he’d thought to do it sooner, but even if he had, his parents would’ve never let him before it got to such a severe point. They let his baby brother suffer in public school for long enough. Along with the improvement of Scott’s wellbeing, Alex was looking forward to seeing Hank again today; he was sure they were bound to run into him again. He had to focus back on his channel surfing to distract himself. 

Will had come back a bit later, around 6 like he said he would. He had both hands on Alex’s face as he looked at him for any signs of anxiety. He was fine like he had said before, and Will kissed him when he was sure of that. He always became a bit touchy when he was concerned.

“Go put on some coffee and I’ll make us some eggs,” Will said, squeezing Alex’s shoulders. Alex agreed, and they got to work on their breakfast. Alex leaned against the counter as Will stood at the stove, hovering over the eggs so they wouldn’t burn. Alex’s mornings were always so domestic.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Will began. “And I think you should talk to someone about your nightmares.” 

Alex’s heart fell. He thought the topic had been dropped.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” he said. Will turned to face him, giving him a look. 

“You don’t even sleep. I don’t think you’ve ever slept since we started living together,” he defended. Alex ran a hand through his hair. This would not be an easy conversation to back out of.

“I know they’ve been bad lately, but they’re going to go away.” 

“Oh what, in another eight years?” 

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Alex snapped. Will looked at him for a moment, then took a breath.

“Alex, I swear to god. You need help and you need to swallow your pride about it.”

“I don’t have any ‘pride,’ I just don’t think it’s necessary to ‘talk to someone.’ And I can barely afford rent as it is.”

“Well, that’s too bad. I made you an appointment with a therapist on Friday.”

“You’re serious?” Alex asked, leaning forward, feeling betrayed. The memory of making plans with Hank for that same day shot through his mind. He had to tell Will about it, but he didn’t want to. It felt dirty. It felt like he was being unfaithful when he wasn’t. That, and he was severely disinclined to pay someone to talk about something that seemed so trivial and temporary. 

Will pointed an accusatory spatula at him. “I know you don’t think so, but you need this.” Alex searched for the right words but came up short.

“I already have plans on Friday.” Will frowned.

“I feel like that’s just an excuse to get out of going. Which you aren’t going to do, by the way.” Alex loved and hated how bold and stubborn his boyfriend was sometimes.

“No, I’m serious. I’m getting coffee with an old friend.” 

“Who?” 

He was hesitant to say, but knew that withholding such information would only seem suspicious. He had to remind himself that these plans weren’t wrong, even though that’s exactly what they felt like. 

“My friend, Hank. He was my battle buddy.” 

Well, now it was. The lie came out of nowhere, but it was out on the table and Alex had to go with it. The situation became muddled and complicated thanks to Alex’s bad decision-making under pressure. At least it was convincing.

“Oh. You never talked about him.”

Alex’s actual battle buddy had committed suicide after the war had ended in ‘75. He hadn’t thought to bring it up to Will since he had already been grieving before they met. Eight years later and he was still shaken by it-- he never wanted to hear about it again so he never mentioned it. He guessed it would’ve been beneficial to talk about, but he couldn’t bear it. Sammy still had so much life left in him. 

Will turned the burner off, and spoke again, “The appointment is at 9 in the morning, so you’ll have plenty of time to get coffee and play catch-up with Hank.” Alex just nodded in silent defeat. Anything else he could’ve said would deepen the hole he’d already dug himself. He wasn’t even hungry anymore. 

\---

Scott was arguably more excited for this day than Alex was, as all of his bags were already packed when he arrived at his parents’ house. Chris and Katherine must’ve helped him, though Alex was prepared and looking forward to doing it. Either way, he was able to pick him up and head down to his new home in record time, save for all the fussing over and smothering of Scott that had to be done by their mother. Alex just nodded to them before stuffing Scott’s luggage in the trunk of his car and heading off with him. Scott couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face. 

It was, without a doubt, a huge day for him. The relaxed way he sat in the passenger seat and the positive aura he emitted were huge indicators of his relief to finally leave. Scott would live with people who were like him, and he would be able to have guidance from a true mentor of mutantkind. Alex knew that if he hadn’t been with other mutants back when he was around Scott’s age, he’d still be in prison. He owed a lot to Charles and Erik, and it warmed his heart that Scott would, at last, have the same experience. 

“Are we there yet?” Scott asked, not a hint of annoyance in his voice. Alex smiled.

“Yeah, almost. We’re about fifteen minutes away.” There was a silent agreement between the two of them that this was absolutely for the best. Scott, being a teenager with little to no control over anything, was scared to talk to Chris and Katherine about what was really going on. But Alex suspected they already knew the severity of Scott’s situation was only going to worsen and chose to ignore it, hoping it would fix itself. They weren’t planning on Alex coming into his brother’s life as a role model or someone to look up to. Katherine’s phone call had been an act of desperation and emergency. 

Scott and Alex sat in Alex’s car for a bit after pulling up to the mansion. If Scott were able to, he’d be looking at the sight before him in awe. The building itself was grand and exquisite, yet the handful of students surrounding its perimeter gave it a much more welcoming vibe. Even when it was empty, it felt like home. Alex knew his brother would thrive here. He clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

“Well, this is it,” he said. “This is home.” 

Scott was grinning.

“Home.”


	4. Chapter 4: First Steps

When Alex thought of “helping Scott move in,” he forgot that there was little Scott could actually do without being able to see. So the younger Summers brother sat in the corner of the room laughing every time Alex cursed at something being heavy or that Scott hadn’t brought this information to his attention sooner. Doing all the heavy lifting by himself was by no means pleasant, but Alex couldn’t stay upset. After it seemed that Scott had gotten all of the laughter out of his system, a knock on the door caught their attention. Alex put down the box currently in his arms. 

“I see you’re already adjusting quite well,” said a kind voice. Charles peeked his head inside the door. “May I come in?” 

“Of course,” Alex answered, moving to open the door for him. Charles thanked him with a nod as he rotated the wheels of his wheelchair forward. He looked around the room, and at the furnishing they had already put in place.

“You’re really going to like it here, Scott. You belong here,” Charles said, smiling at him. 

“Even though I wrecked your tree?” Alex couldn’t tell if Scott was joking or not, but the hearty laugh from the professor proved that it didn’t matter. 

“Yes, even though you burnt down a childhood memory to a crisp.”

“Wait, but Alex said-” 

“So, Charles!” Alex interrupted, clapping his hands together. “When will Scott be able to start training?” Charles looked back at the elder brother. 

“Well, the week is halfway through, so I should suggest that Monday would be a good time as any to start. What do you say, Scott?” he asked, like Scott had any actual say in the matter. “You’ll have the rest of the week to fully adjust and meet everyone, and then we can throw you in the deep end, yeah?” He winked. 

“Sounds good to me, professor,” he replied. Charles waved a hand at him and reminded him to call him by his name, not his occupation. A warm, homey feeling enveloped the room the second that Charles had entered. He was right when he said that Scott belonged there; just looking at him sitting in the mansion felt so natural. Maybe Alex was distracted by his own time of residence under Charles’s care, but nothing could influence his opinion that this was the best decision. Watching his old mentor speak to his little brother nearly brought tears to his eyes.

Alex excused himself and made his way down the halls, which now seemed even longer without as many students standing around or walking with others. He hoped Scott wouldn’t get too lost at first, and that someone would be nice enough to show him around. Alex couldn’t bear the thought of Scott being treated similarly here like he was at public school. He reminded himself that those other kids were human and didn’t understand, but assholes were assholes anywhere you went. 

He must’ve been deep in thought, because he hadn’t registered another person in front of him until their bodies collided and books and papers fell and scattered onto the floor. Alex snapped out of his daydreaming to see a redheaded and blatantly agitated girl. She couldn’t have been much older than Scott. She scoffed, then bent down to pick up her stuff.

“Watch where you’re going,” was all she said. Alex hurriedly kneeled to start helping her gather the papers that had been strewn about. He tucked them all into a neat pile-- in no particular order so as to save time-- when he noticed the heading of one of her papers read “Mr. McCoy.” His heart jumped a bit. They stood up.

“Thanks,” she muttered, taking the last of her notes.

“Sorry for bumping into you. Uh,” he cleared his throat. “Do you know where Mr. McCoy is right now?” The girl’s face barely changed with her surprise and eventual mental investigation to find out where the teacher was. She then shrugged, with an elicited shoulder sag from Alex.

“I dunno. I don’t think he has a class right now, but he might. Or he might be in the library. Or his room. Why?” Alex rationalized his thoughts and further questioned himself on why he thought this student of the hundreds of others would know where he was. She seemed eternally angry at the universe and simultaneously like she hadn’t the slightest care in the world for anyone or anything. Alex just nodded.

“I’m an old friend. Just… wanted to say hi,” he said, voice unsteady as he felt awkward telling this to her. 

“Right. Good luck finding him,” she responded. She walked past, but made sure to leave him with the advice of getting his head out of his ass. He laughed a little when she was out of range. Alex figured there wasn’t any point in meandering the labyrinth-like halls just to find Hank and make a fool of himself by forgetting everything he’d ever known. Alex’s neglect in getting a haircut once again came to mind and he settled on the thought that this was for the better. 

He tried to use paintings and potted plants that looked familiar, but he wasn’t having any luck with that method. He knew Scott and Charles were waiting for him to get back, so he had to act quickly to get away from the sinking feeling in his chest. He was thinking of Hank when the sole reason he came was for Scott. He had to shake this selfishness and remind himself why he was here at all. He had to remind himself of who was waiting for him back home.

“Alex! We missed you while you were gone!” Charles said as Aex popped into the correct doorway; he managed to find the room after all. Scott and Charles were in the same spot as he had left them, and Scott even still had that grin on his face. Alex smiled as he sighed with relief.

“I forgot how huge this place was and actually got lost. That, and I accidentally bumped into a girl on the way back. She told me to get my head out of my ass, which was pretty helpful,” he replied. Charles laughed at his last comment.

“That sure sounds like a student of mine: Jean. She’s a feisty one, you know.” 

“Redhead with a permanent death glare?” 

“Yes, that’d be the one!” 

Scott’s eyebrows were raised, indicating his interest in the topic of conversation, which Alex noticed. He eyeballed his baby brother for a moment and was about to continue, but Charles had lost his cheerful face, and he instead adopted a troubled look. He slumped in the chair a bit as well.

“She’s unlike any other student I’ve had, to be quite honest with you. She’s a challenge, and I mean that in the nicest way possible,” Charles said, looking down at his shoes rather than at Alex. Scott was silent and still, his face also fallen.

“She’s a telepath like myself, but…” he rested his elbow on the armrest of his wheelchair, as his fingers and thumb pressed on either cheeks. He searched for the correct words to finish his thought, keeping his gaze down.

“... she has a very hard time controlling her abilities. At night, she will hear the thoughts of every human being on Earth in her dreams-- quite literally. Hank is assisting me with new technology to soothe her mind, but I must admit it is not an easy task. And of course no new student who walks through those doors is a walk in the park, but she is a rare case.” Charles took a breath. 

“This is the first time I fear failing a student.” 

Alex was speechless at Charles’s earnesty and openness. He regretted leading the conversation down this path and even starting it at all. It clearly troubled the professor, and Alex wanted to immediately apologize for overstepping his boundary, but Charles lifted his head and smiled again.

“I think you’ll like her very much, Scott.” Scott’s smile returned, as did the light feeling in Alex’s chest. He hoped that the addition of his brother to Charles’s long list of misguided mutants wasn’t a burden, and it at least seemed to be nothing more than another person to mentor and encourage. He told Charles that he’d always be available if he ever needed anything, and the professor thanked him sincerely. 

A little while later, it was just Alex and Scott again. The last box still had to be unpacked, but Alex just sat down on the bed. He ran a messy hand through Scott’s hair, which earned him a laugh and a shove. There was a comfortable silence that followed, and Alex used this time to really look at Scott. His little brother wasn’t little anymore, and it was almost strange to see him so grown. Avoiding holidays and get-togethers with his parents also meant missing out on seeing Scott, and that mistake was like a flower finally reaching full bloom; it had never processed before now, when Alex had seen him for two days and was about to let him go again. Having such a wide age gap, the blond felt as though he should’ve been present for all of his milestones and birthdays and broken hearts and every memorable moment in his life. He tried to be angry at his parents for keeping Scott away from him, but he knew that that wasn’t true. He could have driven down to their house any time, and he just didn’t. 

He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes, and stepped up off the bed before they could fall. “Well, I’ll empty out this last box and then you should be good,” he said, hoping his slightly shaky voice wouldn’t give him away. Scott most likely noticed, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Promise you’ll visit once in a while?” he asked. Alex smiled at him. 

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really been so many months omg I'm sorry. But I'm getting back on track !!


	5. Chapter 5: Stifled

The sound of a pen against notebook paper stopped abruptly. “Alex? You still with me?” the woman sitting across from him asked. She looked him up and down, up and down through her wide, circular glasses. She was a tall woman with smooth olive skin and dark brown hair pulled back in a loose bun. She insisted on taking notes and briefly going over his medical history before officially starting, but she paused when she noticed he had gotten quiet. Dr. Makos gave him a cheeky smile as she waited for an answer.

Alex perked up at her question, blinked a few times and fixed his posture. “What? Sorry, I’m just tired today,” he apologized. Dr. Makos waved a casual hand at him. 

“It’s alright, we were just talking about any sort of mental illness in the family?” She said, leading him to elaborate if possible. 

“Oh, right. I think that’s about it.” 

She wrote a few more words, looked over her paper, then faced him again. “I think we’re at a good stopping point, then.” She flattened her clipboard on her lap and smoothed a hand over the page. “So, let’s talk about you! What brought you in today?” 

She reminded him for the third time that every word spoken in this room was confidential, but it didn’t necessarily make him feel any more comfortable. The fact of Alex being a mutant— the source of much of his adolescent trauma and ongoing stress to this day— shot through his mind for a moment, but he decided he should tell her much later if at all. 

Alex shifted in his seat, uncrossed his arms and crossed them again. He cleared his throat. “Well, I wasn’t the one to set up the appointment. My, uh...” he hesitated before continuing, “my partner is kind of making me do this.” He realized how rude he sounded only after he had already said it, and he hoped she didn’t take it the wrong way. Dr. Makos only nodded encouragingly, her hazel eyes fierce and non-blinking. 

“And do you agree with your partner on meeting with me today?” she asked. Alex thought about his words carefully for a second.

“Not… really? He made this appointment without me knowing and made me come. I feel fine,” he answered, lifting his hands and turning his palms face up to indicate indifference. Dr. Makos smiled again.

“Well, you’re here, aren’t you? I think that says something.”

“What do you mean?” 

The woman crossed her long legs as she shifted in her seat.“It says to me that you want to get some help whether you realize it or not. And I want you to know that there is absolutely no shame in that.”

Alex shook his head. “I dunno. He would’ve gotten mad at me if I didn’t go.” 

“That may be true, but you still made the decision to come either way. I get the feeling that you think he’s right, but you just don’t want to admit it.” 

Alex looked at her for a minute. He had barely said anything to her and she was already psychoanalyzing him and figuring him out. He felt strangely vulnerable and disliked the feeling. It almost made him angry that she was saying things like that, even if it was true. He was set on the appointments going poorly with the intention that Will wouldn’t pester him about it anymore, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

Despite his annoyance with his boyfriend, Alex figured he was already sitting on the therapist’s couch, so he might as well cooperate. He took a breath to put a lid on his sour mood and straightened his posture. “It’s because I’ve been having these nightmares. I wake up in a cold sweat, and I can’t go back to sleep after.”

Dr. Makos flips to a new page in her notebook, readying her pen. “How often do you have them?”

“Every night. For a while, I could get away with only a few nights a week, but lately, they’ve been brutal.” 

“Are the nightmares about anything specific?” 

Alex looks away from her and down at his hands in his lap. The vulnerable feeling resurfaces, but this time it’s not accompanied by rage. He feels an overwhelming sense of fear and the onset of tears. He takes a second to swallow the lump in his throat. 

“I dream about the war. Except it’s so real.” He wipes the corners of his eyes with his sleeve. Dr. Makos gently nudges a box of tissues closer to him. Her voice is softer as she speaks to him.

“And this was Vietnam?”

“Yeah. I’ll never forget that day in ‘69.” Alex took one of the tissues. “I was a 23 year old kid. They showed up at my door and nothing’s been the same since.”

Dr. Makos tilted her head to the right as she wrote notes down. She looked up for a second to ask, “How so?” Alex heaved another huge breath.

“It’s just that... every moment has been ingrained in my mind. It comes with me everywhere I go. It affects my relationships and aspects of my daily life. Shit, I mean, I can’t even sleep at night.” He pushes out a little laugh, but Dr. Makos hears the pain in it. She’s not writing, but leaning forward with her chin in her hand as she listens to Alex’s descriptions. When she senses he’s finished, she nods and sits up. 

“Have you ever heard of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?” she asked, her voice turning more professional. Alex knitted his brows together and slowly shook his head. 

“No, I don’t think so.” 

“It’s still fairly new in the psychiatric community, only being officially recognized about 3 years ago.” Alex stays silent. 

“It’s a disorder that someone develops after experiencing a traumatic event. Someone who suffers from PTSD will have nightmares, flashbacks, and memories of the event, even anxiety or depression. Certain things will trigger the reactions, and many people will have a mix of these symptoms. Does any of this sound like what you’re going through?” she asked. 

Alex doesn’t answer her at first. He barely hears her ask him if he’s alright whilst his chest tightens. He knew there would be some level of discomfort today, but he wasn’t ready for this. 

“Are you saying I’m mentally ill?” he asks accusingly. “Like I belong in some psych ward?” 

“No no, Alex, I wasn’t trying to-” 

“I’m not crazy, okay? I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with me.” He stands up and grabs his coat from the back of the couch. “I shouldn’t have wasted both of our time by coming here.” He makes for the door, but Dr. Makos stands up too. She looks him dead in the eye, stopping him in his tracks.

“You haven’t wasted anyone’s time today, Alex. You may not realize it now, but our session today was a much-needed first step for you,” she states, much more firm and stern than her colloquial approach beforehand. 

“Erase the stigmas you’ve heard about mental illness before coming into my office again. The sooner you do that, the sooner I can help you.” She seemed to relax her tense shoulders and stuck out a hand as a peace offering. Alex shook it, nodding his head in recognition of his inappropriate behavior. Dr. Makos seemed satisfied at that, her usual smile returning to her face. 

“One more thing: try taking some sleeping pills at night. Over the counter should work fine and get you some restful sleep.” 

Alex thanked her and shook her hand once more before ducking out. He felt his face was still red from embarrassment. He guessed that Will was right, as he always tended to be, and he was sure that he would be eager to hear every detail of the appointment when he got back to the apartment that day.

He sat in his car for a moment, feeling guilty. He didn’t know why he had been so immature towards her. In his defense, Dr. Makos bringing up a mental disorder, one he’d never heard of, caught him completely off guard. He hated the sound of his possibility of having a mental illness, but her words at the end sobered him. He was among the many people who only saw mental illness through the lens of stereotypes and stigmas. Maybe he shouldn’t be so narrow-minded about it; Dr. Makos seemed genuine in her interest to help him. He made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t be so cold next time around. He just didn’t want to hear “I told you so” over and over again at home. 

\--- 

He checked his reflection in the rearview mirror about 50 times before mustering up the courage to finally go inside The Golden Lotus. He had parked a little ways away so he could mentally prepare on the way to the door. He at least had gotten that desperately-needed haircut yesterday so he wouldn’t have to be self-conscious about that. He didn’t know what car Hank drove, so he couldn’t tell if he arrived there first. He took a breath to try and rid his mind of these anxious thoughts before entering the building.

The Golden Lotus was a coffee shop with a theme of Buddhism, Hinduism, and other East Asian religions. It was wildly popular for their signature teas and rich coffee, as well as the warm and cozy interior. Tapestries hung from the walls, incense burned in the corner, there were couches alongside the tables and chairs, and every employee had at least a few tattoos. The lighting was dim and set an overall relaxed mood for the shop. Unfortunately for Alex, he couldn’t shake his nerves. 

The sight of Hank sitting at one of the corner tables sent a rush of relief through him, which was overruled by the loudness of his pulse in the root of his ears as he slowly approached him. Hank looked up as he sensed someone near him. He closed the book he was reading and stuffed it in his bag. 

“Hi,” he said, smiling gently up at Alex. The blond stood still for a moment, arms crossed against his chest as he sensed his cheeks warming. He couldn’t stop his own smile from stretching widely on his face as he looked upon the man before him.

“Hi.” 

The two looked at each other for a minute, before Hank suggested Alex sit down and take a load off. He complied immediately, kicking himself for being so awkward having said not even two words to him. Luckily, Hank didn’t seem to notice, and if he did, he didn’t show that he cared. Alex settled into the chair across from him and pulled it forward to sit closer to the table. He looked up again at Hank who’d quickly averted his eyes. The two sat in silence before Alex cleared his throat.

“So, what were you reading?” Alex asked, hoping to divert Hank’s attention from his nerves.

“Frankenstein, for the hundredth time. I think science fiction books have officially taken control of my bookshelf.” Alex crossed an ankle over the opposing thigh, one corner of his mouth tipping up.

“You haven’t changed a bit.” Hank beamed at that.

“Oh, definitely. I teach physics and chemistry classes at the mansion.” Alex’s mind flitted to Charles. He wondered if Hank had been by the professor’s side ever since they had all come together way back in 1962. He wasn’t sure what to make of it. He wasn’t sure if he liked acknowledging all the time that had passed since then. 

A young woman of about the age of 18 approached their table. Her curly brown hair had a streak of pink in it, a large anchor tattoo decorated her forearm, and she blew a large bubble with her gum before taking their order. Despite her rebellious appearance, she was sweet and eager to work.

“What can I getcha’ today?” she asked, one hand on her hip. Hank ordered a black coffee, and Alex went with a chamomile tea. Jane, as the girl’s name tag read, smiled brightly and went on her way. After the two were alone again, Alex picked the conversation back up.

“That’s great, Hank. You know they’re right when they say that if you love your job, you’ll never work a day in your life.” Hank chuckled at his comment.

“Trust me, it does feel like work some days, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Those kids are the future, and damn it if they don’t understand the basics of quantum mechanics.” It was Alex’s turn to have a laugh. He was astonished at how incredibly charming Hank was. Alex could still see some of the 16 year old kid in the man sitting across from him.

It was almost unfair at how handsomely Hank had aged. Two decades flew by and it was as if Hank had been asleep the whole time. He had the same boyish smile, dark hair brushed to one side, and glasses that framed his face so pleasantly. Knowing that Hank is the same old science geek from their teens stirred the butterflies in his heart. Alex felt like his 16 year old self with the way he was swooning at him.

“So what do you do, Alex?”

“I’m… currently in between jobs at the moment.”

“Oh, I can imagine. The recession last year is still affecting everyone. Reagan needs to start doing something.”

Alex was relieved at the bullet that just barely grazed his cheek. He didn’t want to deal with the embarrassment of admitting to being unemployed, but Hank unknowingly saved him the trouble. Alex released the tension in his shoulders, smiling at Hank. 

“I think everyone I’ve talked to since last year has said that.”

Hank shrugged. “Well, it’s true. 9 million Americans lost their jobs. Hopefully, it didn’t hit you too badly.”

“Well, I’ve been mostly alright with my…” 

Alex stops. He only has a few seconds to think of what he’s going to say before his hesitation comes off as hiding something. He panics. Should he tell Hank about Will? What would happen if he did? Would there be repercussions? 

“....my roommate. He’s been lucky enough to keep his same job.” 

The lie is like a punch to his own gut. The weight of shame clamps down on him, but at the very back of his head is the tiny relief of ensuring a possible future with Hank. He knows it’s terrible, and he knows that even thinking of something like getting back together was way beyond reality, but he needed that reassurance of a chance. He wanted to bang his head on the table.

“I’m glad to hear that, Alex. It’s good to know that you’re doing well.”

The two sat together for a while after Jane brought their drinks. Their conversation transitioned to lighter topics as their mugs gradually emptied. He didn’t want to discuss their past over coffee, so he was just glad to have been able to catch up at all. Alex talked briefly of his time in the military and of dating around, and Hank really only brushed the surface of what his life had been like over the past 20 years. He seemed like he didn’t have much to say, just that he’s been by Charles’s side and hasn’t dated much. He’d done an exceptional amount of research and had contributed a lot of his work to the science community, where he was recognized in journals and articles. It warmed Alex a bit to know that Hank was successful. He also wanted to know if he had missed him at all during that time, or if he still longed for him now. But he didn’t ask.


End file.
